"I just think that Mindy is no longer on the planet"- My mom, two days ago.

"Ohana" means family in Hawaiian, but like so many Hawaiian words, its meaning is a bit...broader. Ohana refers not just to people you share a significant percentage of your genome with, but the entire extended group of people who make you who you are. It's a word that I think is even more significant in this day and age of fracturing families and nomadic living. After my parents got divorced, the ohana that I was part of became more important than ever, as I found it harder and harder to communicate with parents I felt had betrayed me. Jan was one of many women my mother was friends with who became very important to me in my adolescence. She had known me since I was a child, and there were few women I knew at the time that were more different than my mother. Jan had a daughter, Mindy.

Mindy had a few learning disabilities, but never lacked for love or support. Somehow, that wasn't enough. By 14, she was doing the usual bad girl thing-sex, drugs and more drugs. Three years ago, on her 18th birthday, Mindy disappeared. No one has heard from her since. My mother believes that she got involved with the wrong people and is long dead. Jan, for obvious reasons, believes she is still alive. I don't know what I believe, except that if I had given back what I was given, been more present in Mindy's life, these questions may not be an issue. If Mindy had had someone who was not a parent to talk to, she may not have run off.